I promise I’ll try to write on here more often. I think it’s good for my family and my own mental health to get everything out. Quite a bit has happened, but then again not much has changed.

I went to an orientation for a program called Teach North Korean Refugees, where I would tutor refugees and help them with their English. However, you had to be a member to join and I ended up not following through with it because of the financial aspect. I am looking at other options right now, which include: Working with kids in a Welfare center, trying to get an internship with PSCORE, working with Justice for North Korea, or Crossing Borders for Women’s Rights. I could also try looking for a job here, which would be good to make some money. I don’t know how the process would work though. I think the max hours I can work as an international student is less than 30 hours, which would be fine.

I want to do all these things, but I also have the impulse to stay in my room all day and just do homework and go on walks and hang out with friends. I don’t know what to do. I also know that social distancing is still important and even though I want to get involved and do everything, I’m not sure I have the capacity or safety measures in place to do so. Any input would be appreciated.

I also realized that I can technically graduate next semester if I want to. However, I’m not sure how that would affect my job as an Apartment Assistant or if I want my last semester of college to be so packed. I could graduate if I take 18 credits. I’m getting antsy to just be somewhere and call it home. I know I don’t want to stay in my collegetown. I hate having relationships that are affected by distance and even though I may end up farther away from my home state, I want a job where I can stay year long instead of having to go through cycles of moving all of the time.

At the TNKR meeting I met another Chinese adoptee and we really connected. She is from Oregon and ended up getting ESL certified and teaching in China for a year before going through the EPIK program and teaching near Busan for two years. She’s now in a graduate program for TESL and wants to teach at the university level. I asked for her contact information and we got coffee and talked about her experiences the other day. I really think that I want to come to Asia and work. I wouldn’t get paid as much because my major isn’t just education anymore, but I’ve heard that you can save a lot up living here.

I really like being here though. I like having people assume I belong. However, I do get nervous with the language barrier. Especially the guy at the print shop. I think he’s just naturally grumpy, but whenever I go in to print my Korean homework and say I don’t speak Korean he just gives me the nastiest look. It’s the worst part of my week!

In terms of classes for next semester, my Chinese teacher said that I could jump into 201 if I wanted to. If I decide to graduate early though, I probably wouldn’t take Chinese for credit and would just audit it. My college also doesn’t offer Korean, so that wouldn’t work out well if I ended up here. However, from what I know, the EPIK program is pretty good at creating a supportive community for the teachers and although experiences vary greatly, the people I’ve talked to have all liked it.

My hardest class is still architecture. I just am not built to be an architect at all! My paper models are so ugly and I feel bad for my professor. My other courses are okay. Irish literature is pretty straightforward and so is my Leisure class. Korean got much harder this week and we have so much vocabulary to learn that I feel overwhelmed. Hopefully I don’t fail the class, but the registrar is allowing exchange students to take courses S/D/F if they want, thankfully.

I got a tattoo last week! It’s of a lotus and I plan to add my Chinese name to it once I visit China. I chose a lotus because it just holds a lot of memories for me. I helped my friend make his drag costume lotus themed, it’s a really symbolic flower in China, and it is in a folktale about a boy being separated from his mom but she gives him a lotus lantern and watches over him. It didn’t hurt that much and I kind of liked the feeling of my ribs vibrating. The tattoo artist called me a “strong woman,” haha. It’s starting to peel now, which is kind of gross, but it seems to be healing well. He is just starting out and is only 24 years old, so the price was about $60 USD! A good deal for the size and quality. I’m glad I got it on my ribs so that I can hide it if I ever decide to teach.

I think about the conditions in the US daily and I get really anxious thinking about the future, my family, and the health of so many people. I also heard that Bernie dropped out of the presidential race and I am really upset about that. I know that people will continue to resist and fight for justice, but the current state of affairs politically is just such a mess.

I’m currently in a cafe with the girl from Norway. She and I often study together. I feel bad because I don’t order anything, but I justify it since she usually does. We spend like 6 hours here sometimes. The cafes in Korea are so neat. They’re usually multi-floored and have really cohesive themes. This one always plays jazz music.

I haven’t explore much of Anam. I usually walk from the metro to my goshiwon and sometimes I walk to Dongdaemun market to get fresh fruit/veggies. Those are the only fresh things I eat with my diet of rice, ramen, and tofu. I feel so guilty buying food here, like I said. It’s bad being on my own budget. I don’t know how to get over the guilt I feel spending money.

I created a Korean bucket list, but I’m not sure if a lot of the things are feasible because of covid. I hope it stops spreading and I know that Korea is in a much better place than the US, but that could change very quickly. You just can’t predict anything. Thanks for reading this long ramble.