The above is a really interesting thread about healing and creating a healthier mindset. I need to be more mindful in the way that I talk to myself and process the events that are out of my control.
I get so anxious applying to jobs and thinking about my future. I know that the first job I take will not be where I stay for the rest of my life and that I need to explore the opportunities out there. But it’s scary! The world is scary and I want to enjoy my time being alive, but I get paralyzed by the idea that my life needs to look a certain way for me to enjoy it. Obviously, that’s not the case and there are a lot of things I don’t have control over. Agh!!
My flight back home is going to be rough. I have almost a day in Taiwan, but I’ll have to stay in the airport and I’m going to be so tired. I absolutely hate long layovers. I just get so anxious. I’ll also have to let my professors know about this and that I won’t be able to make it to live online courses… I know in the grand scheme of things this next week will be a small thing, but it just feels like my world is blowing up in my face.
I’m going to miss hanging out with friends and wandering around at night. I’ll miss the food and the restaurants. I’ll miss being able to blend into a crowd. I’ll miss hugging people and going to cafes and studying outdoors. I know that I’ll come back to these things. I know that nothing is permanent and I have at least a marginal amount of control over my situation.
I need to be more flexible, though. Here are some things I need to do:
- Email my professors
- Keep up with homework
- Make sure I get my fingerprints done and my background check sent in asap when I get home
- Keep asking the registrar about my diploma/graduation/transcripts
- Continue reaching out to recruiters and job board postings
- Work on my internship stuff… I’ve been kind of slacking on this one because I haven’t had the motivation. I’m so unmotivated because there is no human interaction at all, but I need to hold myself accountable for it.
Writing this out gets me stressed, but it’s good to see it visually represented. I know that I’ll be okay and that people who love me will continue to be by my side as much as they can. It still just feels like my chest is constricting all the time, especially when I first wake up.
邵的旅程 