It’s hard to see how some of the courses I’m taking right now will relate to my future. I am feeling restless and just want to go back to Korea. I think it’s just hard returning to school after having been off for a while. Especially when I can’t go to study groups or see my professors in person… I’m a very person-oriented thinker and being around others is what motivates me. Being isolated at home isn’t the best for my mental health or motivations. But I know that this will pass. I know that other people are going through similar experiences.

It’s strange. Although I feel disconnected from my friends, sometimes it’s hard for me to reply to them. I just feel exhausted for no reason. I think I need to take time off social media. But that’s also difficult because I look at Facebook for job postings as well. It’s been difficult for me to balance my schoolwork with my desire to just start applying for jobs all day. Imagining the future has been all I do these past few days. Hopefully I can learn to appreciate the moments here as well.

It’s raining here, like always. Being back home and seeing my sister’s dirty dishes and mom’s cluttered workspace gets me upset. I just have to tell myself that I won’t be here forever. I miss having my own space, even if it was just a room. I don’t have anywhere here where I feel at home either. What a strange thing to think about.

When I was at the airport leaving for Korea I remember crying on the phone with my friend. I was questioning why I was even leaving and was so heartbroken over not being able to go to China. And now I’m homesick for a country that I was only in for maybe 7 months. Can I even say homesick? What is another word that encompasses the feeling of yearning for a place that isn’t yours to call home?