I keep hearing that undergrad is the most carefree time that people have in their lifetime. That makes me sad, but I also know it’s probably not true. College is not the end of my time laughing with friends or discovering new passions. I think college is so romanticized by the media as a time for new discovery and friends and love. Which it is. But ageism and nostalgia make people reminisce about these days rather than focusing on what they can do in the present.

Obviously having my last semester of college during a pandemic isn’t what I anticipated. But I’m grateful for the 2.5 years I had at my college, the semester I studied abroad, and this semester. It’s hard staying in contact with friends, but I just got off a 4 hour phone call with some girls from my scholarship program. I know that I will always be able to count on them for support and love and friendship. That’s what makes me happy. Even if we don’t talk every day or even every week, I know that there are people who will pick up my call when I need it.

My mom also mentioned that this will be the last few months of us as a family for a while, which hurt. I know my sister is getting ready to apply to graduate school and I am applying for international jobs. I hope that my mom is alright by herself for a while. She has more than enough things to crochet. I think the idea of me leaving and not returning for a longer period of time (like I’m able to do in college) is really apparent to me now. I didn’t have to worry about it so much when I was younger. I knew that my mom would be there when she could.

Growing up means that you also realize your parents were growing older with you. It’s hard to realize when you’re younger, but as I’ve gotten older I have gained a lot of respect for my mom. I may not have communicated it in all the right ways, but she has been through a lot of difficult times and still has managed to keep a roof over our heads. I know that nothing in this life is easy, but I am grateful for all that she has provided my sister and me.

Having health issues come up over and over again throughout my life (whether it be my mom’s or grandmother’s or mine or my sister’s) has made me realize how eerily fragile our bodies are. And it’s scary having to navigate a world that has all the potential to hurt us. But humans are resilient. And maybe it is because of our ability to reminisce that we can form hope for something better. Reflecting on memories of love and compassion and community is important.