I’m sad to say that I will no longer be travelling to Shanghai this semester. This was a really difficult choice to make and in the end the program might have been cancelled even if I decided to wait for the program’s decision because of the corona virus.

Two days ago I received a flurry of emails from TEAN, the CDC, the state department, and other sources about China being moved to a level 3 travel warning destination. I originally thought that I would just wait it out and still be able to go to Shanghai. There is a lot of sinophobia and exaggeration about China’s conditions in the news all of the time and most of the people who were reported to have corona virus were older and/or had pre-existing health conditions. However, after emailing the Gilman scholarship program, I realized they would pull $5,000 of my funding if I decided to continue with my program in Shanghai. Additionally, TEAN offered other options to switch to the Korea or Vietnam program.

Later that night, after looking at updated news and recent statistics about the spread of the virus, I talked with my family and friends about my options. Many encouraged me to wait it out because they know how much this trip meant to me and how long I have been planning it out. Others were scared about how contagious the virus seems to be and cautioned me to be wary and just switch to another program. I really wanted to go with my heart and wait it out, but then the reported number of people who were infected in mainland China increased drastically and TEAN said there were only 10 spots in the South Korea program.

I ultimately made the call to switch to the South Korea program because I know this is the only semester I can study abroad and I am hoping that I’ll be able to visit China once the corona virus situation stabilizes and the US decreases down their travel restrictions.

people in the chinese diaspora are not the main victims of racist reactions to the coronavirus, the people who will suffer the most are those in china whose local traditions, culture, unity, and sovereignty are being attacked by westerners who dont give a shit if they live or die— happy year of the rat (@southofthelake_) January 29, 2020

I know that this situation is much bigger than myself. I am keeping the people of Wuhan in my thoughts and I am hoping the corona virus is contained and that people stay healthy and safe everywhere. My sadness about not being able to go to China is compounded by the fact that I see a lot of people from my hometown and elsewhere posting sinophobic and racist memes/jokes/news/etc. Being part of the Chinese diaspora does not excuse people from making these comments and it is important to interrogate the racism and unequal power dynamics that these comments come from. I’ve taken a break from Twitter because seeing all of these comments hurts more.

I had thought that this semester would be a time for me to do a full birth family search, get closer to my roots, and learn about the place I was born in. I wanted to learn more about the Chinese diaspora and speak with other Chinese students about their perceptions on adoption, ABCs, and global families. I wanted to immerse myself in the culture of Shanghai and improve my Mandarin so that I would be able to better communicate with Chinese Americans once I returned home. Some may see these as surface level parts of my identity, but as I’ve progressed through college, I’ve realized how integral a full understanding of my own identity is in being a better ally, advocate, and global citizen.

There is a lot to process in this switch and it is a stressful time figuring out my financial situation, new Visa application, and course registration. I know that I am so privileged to have the opportunity to travel abroad. I know that in 5 years this may just be a blip on the radar. I know that I will still grow and learn and meet amazing people in Seoul, but my heart will be in Shanghai.